what happened to hello

I remember people used to call me at home, I'd pick up the phone and say hello and they would say hello back and what's up. Now people call my house and ask me stupid questions. I know you've all been through it. Here are a couple of answers. Someone called my house and I said hello and he asked me where am I? I said Panama you stupid f*ck, what number did you dial.
Someone else called me and I said hello and he asked me if I was asleep? I said yeah, I do alot of sleep phone talking you stupid f*ck. Another friend called and I said hello and he asked me if I was busy? I said no, I was waiting for you to call, thank god I got something to do now.

Lazy USA

I still see commercials with new kinds of push lawnmowers. Apparently these inventors do not live in the United States. You cannot sell Americans things that involve walking, we are too lazy for that. That's why we have the snuggie and the shamwow. All we care about is convenience and not breaking a sweat. If you want to get rich selling lawnmowers in the United States you gotta make it disc shape with a seat to sit down and make it hover just above the ground. See now you got my attention. I might just have to buy one of those. NO WALKING!!!!!

flying dog

It was reported that a chihuahua was taking up in a strong wind during a storm and flew about a quarter mile away and was later found about a half a mile away. Sounds like toto from the wizard of oz. Not only can this dog fly but it tried to go home in the wrong direction. I love dogs but I don't care who you are this sh*t is funny. You know you don't have a real dog when a gust of wind just takes your dog a quarter mile away. They had to put up lost dogs signs and everything. Eventually they got their little rat back. Now I understand why women put those little toy dogs in bags and holsters. They just might get blown away like a dandelion. A dog has to weigh at least 45lbs to be called a dog or its a puppy or just of canine species. Like a ferret is of rodent species but not a rat. chihuahua is of canine but not a dog. So if you have one of these little canines you might wanna get a long lease cause you might be flying it like a kite. FLYING DOG, THAT'S FUNNY!!!!
I hate those little barking biting do no damage dogs, just get a hamster.

child support

Many people don't know this but with the way the economy declined and many men losing their jobs they can longer pay child support. Most men had to go into their savings, insurance and their 401k to continue paying. The men that don't have any savings or 401k are just getting arrested. This is just ridiculous. A man could pay child support for ten years on time and get layed off and use all his savings and retirement funds and still get arrested and come out of jail broke with debt waiting for him and no job or money to pay anything, car and house may also be gone. Everyone knows how bad the economy is and how money is tight. To women who are that evil you too can KISS MY BLACK ASS!!!

loyalty

Think about how difficult it is to truly believe someone is completely loyal to you. Loyalty is the hardest thing to gain between people. Fear is the most powerful human emotion. It is easy to intimidate someone and use that intimidation to ones advantage. Even going back to the day of kingdoms, people of power were usually betrayed by the ones they loved and protected rather than the ones who feared them. Loyalty without fear is a great treasure between humans and is usually followed with an emotion that can cause insanity (love). Either a friend, lover or family. If one feels that loyalty has been betrayed, that person can be driven to a completely different state of mind. Loyalty is to be cherished like a rare jewel. Not many people can say that they are truly loyal to someone and say that someone is truly loyal to them. there is no time table on how long it takes to earn that loyalty from someone or how long it will last. Loyalty is something that requires faith, compassion and patience. Which is something the human race is slowly losing. True loyalty is when one fears only to break that bond of loyalty that they hold sacred. For true loyalty can defeat the great emotion of fear that holds us all prisoner, and only then are we free.

H1N1

The swine flu is now called H1N1 and has now been raised to level 5 and 6 is the highest level. I know I said not to panic but if they raise it to level 6 pull out the gas masks and the rubber gloves. No American has died yet but this thing is spreading like a slow wild fire. And since this is all the news is talking about everyone must have a job now. I'd rather have H1N1 than be unemployed. Forget the flu and get some jobs out there. If I had a job I'd have health insurance and can go to the doctor for H1N1. No job and sick with a Mexican flu and never been to Mexico cause I don't have a job and can't afford to go, that's just wrong.

sleeping fart

Have you ever been sleeping and fart so loud you wake yourself up?
I want to know if I'm the only one this has happened too. I don't wanna get into details but I've so far have broken two ceiling fans by accident in my bedroom due to these farts.